Downsizing Done Right

How can I support my parents downsizing? I'm stressed.

This article is the final installment with The Sandwich Club where I sat in as the Care Expert and played advice columnist (I loved it — please have me back!). Many of the tips surfaced here were shared with me by Sonya Weisshappel, organizer and founder and CEO of Seriatim, in Episode 12: Decluttering with the Chaos Whisperer.

First off, props to your parents for taking a proactive approach to downsizing. This will allow time to plan without rushing into a move — it’s way better than being pushed into a decision because of a health or financial issue. Next, take a deep breath. A move is a big deal for anyone — especially if leaving a place mom and dad have called home for several decades. Deciding what to do with a lifetime’s worth of stuff is a giant task, so get ready for some heavy lifting (physical and emotional) ahead. Following are pointers for getting started.

Adjust your mindset: You might take one look at bookshelves overflowing with trinkets and think: What is all this junk?! Honor what your parents loved and surrounded themselves with. Keep in mind that it’s definitely not junk to them. Take a step back and drop judgement (or stifle it until you can call your sibling and rant).

Engage your curiosity: Your parents collected decorative objects, furniture, clothing, books, and more for a reason. Discovering the story behind these things can help in the process as they let go, pass things on, or pack items up for their next move. If you know that Great Grandma Betty painted the portrait that’s been hanging in the front hallway for your whole life, you’ll have a new understanding of its importance (and might be motivated to save it from the trash).

Start sorting: This can be an overwhelming task but, in general, things can be sorted into three general categories:

Stuff — Drawers, closets, basements, the attic, the garage are areas where most people feel comfortable getting started. Parents may find that they’ve stored things they no longer use (sewing machine, exercise gear, lawn tools), only hanging onto them because they have the space.

Paperwork and files — Break this down into digital assets and paper files. This is also a good opportunity to connect with any financial advisors or lawyers to discover what to save or toss (many paper documents dound in frwarers may already be digitized).

Memorabilia — This is where the most heart and legacy exist and will take more time. These are the favorite items that they’ll take with them in their move or start thinking about who they’d like to have a favorite vase, set of plates, or Great Grandma Betty’s painting. Also, if there are items that have been passed down or considered valuable (art, decorative objects, rare books) now is a good time to get those appraised.

Donate, recycle, give away: Once your parents have pared down the essentials and determined what they can part with (four bins of holiday lights), other items can find a good home. Organize a giveaway party and invite friends and neighbors over to grab books or gardening gear. Post items with a local Buy Nothing group. Donate clothing and household items in good condition to Goodwill or Salvation Army thrift stores (bonus: many organizations offer pick up).

Turn pockets inside out and pop lids on dusty shoe boxes because you never know what treasure might be stashed away. Give it time, proceed with care (and remember: no judgement), and you’ll walk away with the stories behind the things your parents valued in their lifetime. That’s kinda priceless.

However you approach it, good luck and hope you find some treasures in the process.